(In honor of World Suicide Prevention Day, 2021)
Addiction is a punishment, that many who face it, do not even deserve; a state whereby you find yourself doing exactly what hurts you. It might not even be, using a very toxic substance like heroine. It could be using a sweet snack, but in an abusive way. Every single time, you find yourself, only remembering the reasons why you shouldn't, only after you have fully indulged this substance. If you're delusional, you might mistake that conviction for motivation, and make strict plans to stay away, or take a break from said substance. That only increases the guilt from the next fall, and the vicious cycle continues.
It is never surprising to hear of an addict, who gave up, and ended their life. Addiction is really a rough situation, that demands a whole lot of self-compassion and acceptance, to pull through. As addiction grows, you may find yourself definitely knowing that, you are become your worse version with every passing day; you may find yourself, going to places, you considered beneath you, because you gave in to a strong craving -- Doing things you could have sworn, just a few moments back, that you would never do. Addiction is humbling.
"What's the point of continuing, when I know very well how tomorrow is going to be like, and the next, and the next?": this must be one of the thoughts a suicidal addict must have asked to justify the suicide. I have been there, and to say it's a very difficult situation, is to say the least. At that point, loved ones look like obstacles that we could, quite frankly live without. Responsibilities look like curses on us, that we would not mind destroying years of hard work, to get out of.
Worse of all is, during those fleeting moments of involuntary sobriety, we start to realize how bad things are. We see no way out, but think to ourselves, "maybe an escape will make me feel good enough to catch a life-changing idea. The ideas, may come alright, but executing them, might not be possible, while still escaping, so we keep gathering ideas, and that still small voice at the back of our heads knows that we our wasting our time. We keep deceiving ourselves, and repressing our own objectivity, till we inevitably get to that breaking point.
It's at that breaking point, that suicide looks like a good choice to some, because we still know that if we do not change, the impending destruction, will be similar to/exactly like suicide. This is why we, the ones on the recovery journey know from a deep side of our hearts that, we are blessed to be alive; we cannot help but try to let the struggling addict know that, it may seem impossible, but it is not!
You can recover; do not give up -- keeping falling, but also keep rising. Even a minute intentionally sober, is progress; much better than giving up. There really is light at the end of the tunnel. Your best self is not as far from you as it may seem. In times of struggle, instead of giving up, you may rather turn to the stories of the survivors, read them, and allow the light from them to bring you even a speck of hope. Do not give up; it gets better -- I promise.
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