Anyone could dive into intense research on how to quit smoking, but there is nothing like an account of a lived experience. Hi, my name is Morningkhat, and I'm a recovering addict, not only on a sober journey but also on a journey to becoming my best self. I'm going to share with you how I quit smoking naturally. If you need to, you can follow my lead, and do that too.
For close to six years, I struggled to let go of this smoking addiction. In the beginning it did not look like a big deal. The plan was to quit before it became a problem; ironically, that plan itself, was my problem. Chosing to gamble with my precious health, was an indication of my level of self-compassion and love, which I did not know or care about at the time.
Different people have different reasons for getting into the smoking habit. In the end, our reasons to want to quit are quite similar. For me, it was leading to poor health, looks, and even relationships: unusual heavy coughs, discoloration of my eyes and teeth, bad eating habits (either binging or starving), short-term memory loss, anti-social behavior; not interested in spending time with non-smokers etc.
There are these ideas that float in the air, about how good weed is; I do not dispute that. There are surely certain benefits to the herb, which I have experienced for myself. It can help you get a good sleep, increase your appetite for food and sex, help your body relax, and gain relieve from physical pain etc. However, there are lots of weed smokers, who did not get into the smoking habit, for it's advantages. Where I'm from, smoking is a habit that kids or young adults blindly get into, for reasons like: being rebellious against social norms, to look "cool", or to fit in with friends. In my case, it was to fit in with friends (people-pleasing).
Before deciding to smoke for the first time ever, I compensated the fear that tried to warn me against it's consequences, by scouting the internet for the benefits and effects of smoking. There were several benefits to be found, as it seems the world is collectively being more tolerant of the hitherto oppressed marijuana herb. From my research, the benefits outweighed the effects, and that was all the motivation I needed to do what I already intended to do. Now my greatest take-out from that experience is that: Just because a thing is good, does not make it good for you.
Indeed, I've come to realize that nothing in the world is inherently solely good or bad, but the purpose it serves, is what makes it either good or bad. Hell, even murder can be a good thing, when a ruthless, unrepentant serial killer is up for execution. At this point, you must be itching to know how I finally quit smoking.
Feel to Heal
This is a popular phrase in the recovery community, and it is so for a reason. It is a powerful reminder, and has helped many of us, in our journeys. While addicted to smoking weed, it was hard to see that, what I was doing was in fact, escaping from my reality. The phrase, "getting high", makes the process of smoking appear attractive. Discovering the term "escaping reality", was the beginning of my healing process. This opened my eyes to see and accept that I did not like my reality. As often as I felt the need to escape reality, was a direct indication of how badly things were falling apart around me. It meant I needed change, not escape.
Healing begun to flow to me, when I understood that feeling bad about my life's circumstances, being overwhelmed by the guilt from self-harm and self-sabotage, and the other feelings that made me eager for an escape, were not things I should have been running away from. What would have helped was to practice gratitude in such moment. Yes, gratitude because it is a privilege to know exactly what needs attention in our lives. It's a blessing, when our eyes are opened enough to see, and meditate on the areas of our lives we need to be improving upon.
Escaping reality only brought a false sense of relief. To make things worse, when the "high" wore off, what I now call the "guilt-monster" then gained a little more strength. This again fueled the vicious cycle, since feeling guilty was one of the triggers, that called for more smoking.
The Vicious Cycle of Addiction
Yes, it is easier said than done. This is why it is more inspiring to get insight on how to quit smoking from someone like me, who is walking the talk. Embarking on this journey is surely one of the toughest challenges of my life. However, it only gets better, when you quit the self-harm, rather than quit the journey.
It was after a year of habitual smoking, that the need for change begun to knock on my door. This was because from the start, I had told myself, I would voluntarily quit smoking after a year. After that year, my desires were no where close to wanting to stop, and that was how I begun to suspect an addiction. There is a scene from a TV interview that is stuck in my mind. It is a scene of a man, badly addicted to all sorts of drugs, and this is what he had to say: "...when it comes to addiction, everyone thinks, they're special; we all know it is difficult to stop, but everyone thinks, 'not me; I can stop whenever I decide to.'"
I have been at the phase of quitting cold-turkey, getting complacent, then relapsing badly. That phase was were I experienced the true pain of being addicted to something that was no longer serving you, but rather draining you, yet you kept giving it top priority in your life. Now, I am in the phase of quitting naturally, with the help of self-compassion, perseverance and vulnerability. Here, in this phase I remind myself that my body is going through the pain of withdrawal, that cravings are very normal, and however painful it gets, when they are not satisfied, I do not need to satisfy them -- they surely leave with time; they will be back, but they leave with time.
During the eras of my cold-turkey quit attempts, the relapses that followed were very intense. This was because there was no true acknowledgement of why I had to quit smoking. My motivation was the desire to please my displeased loved-ones, look better, detoxify my system, and get a bit more productive with work. These motives, however a good place to start, did not make a strong enough foundation, for building a life of sobriety and recovery from addiction. With such a foundation, relapse was only a matter of time, and always felt like a much needed reunion, instead of a fall from grace/a necessary part of recovery. In that phase, relapse felt so relieving that, memories of those struggling moments, when smoking was taking over my life, were lost to me -- all I experienced was the "high".
In that phase, I would put structures in place to stop my displeased loved-ones from finding out about my relapse, take extra precaution for the fist few days, so the physical effects of smoking won't be obvious (eg. eyedrops, and lip scrubs), and try to still be productive while smoking. Not surprisingly, it was only a matter of time, for the habit to take a priority seat in my life once again; Why? because my mindset was simply not ready for that volume of change.
Dear Struggling-smoker, I leave you with this gem: Feel to Heal. Those rough feelings that feel similar to death, when the cravings hit-- feel them all. Acknowledge the role you play in allowing this habit to thrive in your life. Be determined to put in the work of feeling uncomfortable, when those cravings hit. Do not run away; it will pay off, and when it does, remember to stay gratefully humbled, and keep your ego in check.
At this point in my recovery, I'm careful not to announce that, I will never smoke again, although I feel that way. Recovery has taught me that, we can be sure of ourselves one minute, and in the next, not even know who we are. This does not mean we are weak; It only means we are human. Therefore now, when the triggers come at me, I pause, and focus on them. I feel those unpleasant feelings fully, so that the next time they return, they wont look as scary to overcome, as the last.
Stay present, and make a change -- do not escape.
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